A NEEDED NUDGE

Alas, a gentle nudge from Mary prompted me to post an entry in my journal. While I probably have nothing that is of particular interest to anyone, I did begin this blog for the purpose of documenting my days, thoughts, activities, and memories. Abandoning it was never my intention.

I am still reeling and deeply saddened from the passing of my friend Patrick. 39 years of age and succumbing to cancer, leaving behind a wife and an 11-month old, a three-year-old, and an eight-year-old, just does not fit into the way I think life should be.

As always, I continue to paint. I keep telling myself that one of these days I will create a painting that is of significance. It has yet to happen, but the joy I get from the effort and experimentation is worth it to me. These are the latest paintings I have done. (The two canvases on easels are quite tiny. They measure five inches from the bottom of the easel to the very top. The canvases are only 2" x 2"! I made them as Christmas tree ornaments for my children, as I do each year. The roses painting is for my son who loves roses, and the floral landscape is for my daughter.)

Seahorses enchant me. They always have. They mate for life. AND the male carries the offspring. This is called "Sea Grace"~

Mermaids also intrigue me. What must they be thinking? Titled "Land's Allure"~

This one was a very different technique for me. I attended a one-day workshop to learn the basics of painting watercolors on gesso-prepared paper. The sky actually has purples in it, too, but the camera refused to capture them. I am eager to try this technique again after the holidays. Named "Forgotten"~

I painted the following for my niece who requested it as her Christmas gift. I practically went blind painting it! Too many details and windows. It is of the Don CeSar Beach Resort in Florida (also known as The Pink Palace)...her favorite place to vacation. Aptly titled "Don CeSar Beach Resort, Florida"~

This was a birthday gift for a beloved artist friend of mine. I painted it from a photograph of him working on a painting. So, the painting within the painting is one of his (although his is magnificent). Named "The Master's Touch"~

There have been a few more paintings, but I think I have made you yawn enough already!

Life has been kind to me and mine. I am grateful for each day.

"If the essence of my being has caused a smile to have appeared upon your face or a touch of joy within your heart, then in living I have made my mark." ~Thomas L. Odem, Jr.

Run your fingers through my soul~

PATRICK~ThisItalianGuy

You were loved well and by many, my friend. And you will be deeply missed. But I cannot wrap my mind around the fact that you are no longer here.

"Tell me not, in mournful numbers,

Life is but an empty dream!

For the soul is dead that slumbers,

and things are not what they seem.

Life is real! Life is earnest!

And the grave is not its goal;

Dust thou art; to dust returnest,

Was not spoken of the soul."

~Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

OH, THE IRONY!

I finished this painting on Wednesday, September 12. Its title is FREE FALL. A simple painting that I suppose can be interpreted in numerous ways. What I intended for it to represent is the path that one's heart takes as it swoops and curves when it is falling in love. A free fall through the beautiful sky.

And it was more than ironic when on Friday, September 14, I awoke early feeling very odd...sickly even. I blew off the dizziness, chest discomfort, and overwhelming fatigue as being caused by lack of sleep. I took my daughter to work without letting her know I was feeling poorly. During the short drive, I sent silent prayers to God asking for Him to please let me get her safely to work and to please let me make it home. Sleep would help me feel better, I was certain. Sleep did not come. More discomfort did, however. I grew restless and concerned, and it was still morning. Perhaps I was just anxious, so I checked my pulse. It had a very strange rhythm to it.

I called my mother. Isn't that what daughters do when they feel sick? She suggested I call my family doctor. Following her advice, I called him. He was out of town, and his nurse suggested I go to an urgent care clinic or to the hospital. Uh...no way was I going to the emergency room.

Because I knew I could never attempt the drive there alone, I called my husband. He was on his way to a golf outing. I truly felt bad asking him if he could come home and take me to the local care center, but I was afraid I would faint and cause a crash. I still suspected lack of sleep as being the cause of this very weird feeling I had.

It took the urgent care physician all of about three minutes to suggest an EKG be run. No problem. Strip from the waist up, put on the little paper gown (that is not even as thick as a paper towel), leave the opening in the front. He slapped on the little adhesive conductor things, attached the lines, turned on the machine...and within seconds he was putting nitroglycerin under my tongue. WHAAAAAT? The testing was completed just as he was telling me he was calling an ambulance. HUH? My heart was in atrial fibrillation, and there was a possibility I was having a heart attack. He inserted an IV into my arm.

Yes, my eyes welled up, but I did not cry. I asked my hubby to call Mom to find out the name of her cardiologist at the hospital I prefer. Then, the paramedics helped transfer me to the gurney. I told them to close their eyes so they wouldn't be forced to view old lady boobs. Stupid paper gown.

My first time ever riding in an ambulance. The men were very nice, and I chatted while we were on our way. I asked many questions about their job. I was scared to death, but what good does it do to get worked up about what was already happening? Talking and joking kept me from dwelling on the possibilities.

The ER staff was wonderful. My heart was, indeed, out of rhythm. Meds were given to me, and blood was drawn for testing of cardiac enzymes to see if a heart attack had occurred.

I was not allowed to come home. After about five hours, I said I was feeling much better. Couldn't I just go on home? Nooooooo, they said. So I spent Friday, Saturday, and part of Sunday being monitored, put on blood thinners to dissolve any potential clots (the additional shots of blood thinners that were injected into my stomach were charming).

My orders while there were bed rest. Ugh. I was allowed to go to the bathroom with assistance. Pfffft. Thanks, but no thanks. I went by myself. Late Saturday afternoon I pleaded with the doc to let me roam the hospital, and I was granted permission as long as I had my heart monitor with me. WOO HOO! Hubby and I strolled down to the gift shop. I wanted some magazines. Well, that was one fabulous hospital store, because they had a curio cabinet filled with excellent vintage and estate jewelry. My eyes instantly went to a beautiful smoky topaz (my birthstone) ring. Price was not too bad, either. Hubby ignored my lavish praise of the ring and kept walking. BUZZKILL.

Returning to my room, I rested for a bit, then hubby left. A-ha! On my own AND armed with a credit card. I told the nurse I was going shopping! The gift shop was open, and I am now the proud owner of an extremely lovely topaz ring. A little souvenir of an eventful (albeit frightening) weekend.

I have been poked and prodded and examined every which way, and the exact cause of my irregular heart rhythm episode cannot be determined. I do have a low potassium level, which the cardiologist feels may have played a role in it. Potassium supplements have been ordered. Other than that, my heart rhythm is back to normal. I am being weaned off the Coumadin (blood thinner). I just have to pay more attention to myself and not write off bizarre sensations as flukes. I think I can do that!

But I am uncertain I will be painting anymore pictures of hearts. ::smile::

Run your fingers through my soul~

I KNOW, I KNOW...

Yes, I know that today is the sixth anniversary of the horrid attack on our country. What can be said about it that has not already been said?

For me, I spent the day continuing to believe that there is far more good in this world than evil. And I will keep on believing that.

"Love consists in this, that two solitudes protect and touch and greet each other." ~Rainer Maria Rilke

ETCETERA

"HE LOVES ME NOT"

It has been far too long since I have written in this journal. I think I have had too much to say about many subjects, and I elected to remain quiet. Not that all is good or bad in my world...it just "is."

The puppy continues to grow, but she is still a cuddly thing. We had a name battle at the beginning. I disliked the name my daughter chose. Yes, it is her dog...but yours truly spends a lot of time around it. I wanted a name I liked. After maybe five or six different tries (yes, the vet said it was okay to change her name, since she was still very young), we finally settled on one we all like. Sierra. And the name suits her well.

My sister was taken to the emergency room with what the neurologists thought was a brain aneurysm. They saw it on the CT and MRI films. It was an ugly time for her...and all of the rest of us. We suffered horrendous flashbacks, and some seemingly forgotten memories of Daddy's brain aneurysm rupture resurfaced. After a particular procedure was performed on her, it was discovered that the aneurysm was really just a collection of blood vessels that is somewhat of an anomaly. No aneurysm. We sent up many prayers of thanks. She is doing fine. Now to bury those horrid memories...

"LIGHT COMES"

I have been painting a bit. I hope I will always have that to turn to. Good or bad results, I still like how I feel when I am fiddling around with paints or pastels.

Mom is doing okay. I need to accept that there are just some things that are never going to be the way they were. More doctor visits. More aches and pains. She is mentally extremely sharp, and a delight to be with. We girls go to lunch with her every week or two. I try to call her each day just to blab and check to make sure all is well.

There is a spectacular 121-acre garden/park nearby. One of my sisters and I spent a Saturday there with cameras in hand. A woodcarver had an exhibit at that time. The theme was BIG BUGS! And big bugs they were! Made entirely out of wood. Those along with the beauty that can always be found at the garden made it a grand day.

That is about all I care to discuss at the moment. Suffice it to say that I am continuing to explore and learn. That thrills me.

Have I mentioned how much I love my family and friends? No. Hmmm. I need to fix that. I LOVE YOUUUUUUUUU.

My wishes for happiness in your worlds!

Nikki~

Run your fingers through my soul~