A SUDDEN FLURRY...

...of memories of my Christmases, past and present. These thoughts are swirling through my mind, and I want to record them~and to heck with proper grammar and complete sentences.

AS A KID AT HOME: Snooping anywhere and everywhere for my Christmas presents and hoping to find them before Mom wrapped them. (Let's just say that is a nasty little ritual that I still follow in my own home. ::sigh:: Problem is I am now much more savvy about discovering hiding spots.)

Attending a Christmas Eve church service at our longtime church and listening to the minister devote virtually the entire sermon to the Vietnam War. Feeling very sad and wondering why the birth of Jesus was mentioned by him almost as an afterthought. (Uh, we never returned to that church after that.)

At our NEW and wonderful church, watching Daddy play with the "candle" we had been given to be "lit" at a specific time so the entire church was a mass of tiny lights. (They had discontinued using real candles due to fire hazards and replaced them with candle-shaped tiny flashlights.) Daddy was always holding the light to his fingertips and turning it on to show us how the blood looked through the skin. Remembering Mom giving him her "behave yourself" look. ::laugh::

Being unable to fall asleep on Christmas Eve.

Jostling my sisters before we descended the steps on Christmas morning, because I did not want to be the first one in line. Weird, huh? I suddenly became almost shy about being the first one to walk into the living room to see all the presents under the tree.

Being forced to at least drink a glass of orange juice before gifts could be opened.

Looking at Mom and Dad with each thank you I said and seeing their faces shining.

Carefully arranging and rearranging my pile of presents to best display what I had received.

NEVER being disappointed with a single gift I received. ALWAYS thinking I was the luckiest girl in the world.

MARRIED: Need I say digging and rooting for my hidden Christmas gifts?

The year hubby gave me two small diamonds to go on either side of my diamond solitaire engagement ring...even though we had next to no money because he was in college.

Our son's first Christmas. He was almost lost in the massive pile of gifts Santa brought him. When he reached up and opened the little door to the toy soldier toy box he had received and peered inside.

At the age of three, our son "reading" The Grinch Who Stole Christmas word for word from memory to us while I videotaped him.

Our daughter's first Christmas. She wore a tiny red Santa hat as she crawled over, under, and around all of her presents. Giggling at the toys she received. She was always smiling and laughing. That lone dimple in her right cheek just begging to be kissed.

The treasured Christmas gifts both children made for us in preschool and on through their elementary school years.

Listening to and filming hubby reading 'Twas The Night Before Christmas every single year to the kids while they snuggled up against either side of him.

Laughing hard when our daughter wanted to go to bed as early as possible on Christmas Eve because she was too excited for Christmas morning. She knew if she slept, Christmas would be here in a seeming flash.

Year after year sitting with hubby and beaming at the kids. Noting our son was a careful and slow gift opener. Noting our daughter was a whirlwind tearing open the neatly wrapped presents. Videotaping and photographing them.

Realizing my daughter was as big of a pre-Christmas gift snooper as I.

Sitting alone with my father at the nursing home on Christmas Eve the first year he was in one. Having him never open his eyes or react to anything. Holding his hand and not letting go of it. Watching the TV perched high on the wall and falling apart when a commercial played the song "I'll Be Home for Christmas."

His very last Christmas...twelve days before his death. The only words he spoke were, "Is it, honey?" when my sister told him it was snowing. Hugging and kissing him and pretending he was fine.

Knowing that each and every Christmas I have had has been filled with thankfulness and a deep appreciation for the life I have and the people in it. Yes, there have been sad times mixed among my many blessings. But they have never overshadowed the fairy tale life I feel I have lived. I hope they never will.

"Blessed is the season which engages the whole world in a conspiracy of love." ~Hamilton Wright Mabi