WHY?

Christmas is rapidly approaching, and most of my activities seem to be centered around this wonderful holiday. Because of all there is to do, my brain is abuzz with thoughts of it, too. Well, not ALL my thoughts. In between the "I must get one more gift for my mother" and "I sure hope we have a white Christmas" are some mighty strange thoughts.

Let's just explore what has recently gone through this overactive mind of mine:

1. Why does a woman who has a very visible mustache not get rid of it? You know what I mean. Some women have a mustache that would rival those of the most virile men. Does she not see it on her face? Does she never look in the mirror? Or does she like the idea that it is there? Is she keeping her options open for a possible traveling freak show spot as the "mustached lady"? I just do not understand it. It gives me the creeps.

2. Along those same lines, why does ANYONE let a hair grow out of a mole until the hair is long enough to wrap around a curler? Geez, cut the damn thing. It is bad enough if the mole is big and unsightly without seeing some dark hair wiggling out of it. Ewww.

3. And men. Why do they let hair grow out of their ears and nose? (Although I have seen hairy-nosed women, too.) There are those little spinning devices that can be shoved inside the nose and ears to trim those hairs. (Wait...that thought has a Christmas connection. It is a gift idea for the hairy ones in your lives.)

4. Final hair query. Why do men's eyebrows get so long when they get older? Man, they start sprouting super long hairs in a random fashion, and they will not trim them! Is it because they are losing, or have already lost, the hair on top of their heads and they hope somehow their eyebrows will start to grow over their scalp?

(I have to blame one of my favorite female friends for these hairy thoughts. She had a bad dream the other nite involving the awkward discovery of long hair on her body at a particularly stimulating sexual moment. The 6-inch long hair killed the sexual tension that was building between her and the gentleman. End of dream. But she shared it with me. Nice. Now I am left thinking about unsightly hair.)
5. Why do people shout wicked things at young male and female athletes during college sporting events when they would not dream of screaming in such a manner at their own children? Grown men and women hurling obscenities and cruel remarks at "kids" who are in all likelihood at least half their age. That is SICKO. (What is even sicker is when you hear them do it to high school, middle school, and, yes, even elementary school kids. Good God.)

6. Why do we have to pretend we like someone when we really do not? Aside from a hello, why is it expected to say anything more to the disliked one? At work, I can understand the need to engage in conversation regardless of how we feel about the person. But socially? Pffft. A pleasant hello should suffice, followed by a hasty maneuvering away from the yucky person.

7. Why do men think women care about the size of their package? Unless that package comes with a pump to inflate it (sorry, I do not wish to offend any male who is currently utilizing that device), all I care about it is that it is in working order and large enough to be seen with the naked eye.

8. Why are some people stingy passing out compliments but want/expect to receive them from anyone and everyone?

9. Why do dogs chase their tails? I just saw a dog doing that while we were taking care of a couple's dog in our home over the Thanksgiving weekend. It was funny to watch. He never caught it. But what would he have done if he HAD?

10. Why does my husband still smile at me and love me even knowing my mind is a nonstop machine filled with some pretty bizarre stuff?
There. I think the off-the-top-of-my-head whys have been recorded. Time to revert back to Christmas mode. I do believe I will need a bit of Christmas music to obliterate hairy thoughts.

"Ask a question and you're a fool for three minutes; do not ask a question and you're a fool for the rest of your life." ~Chinese Proverb