May arrived today. The weather could not have been more perfect, nor the sky a prettier blue. I grabbed my daughter, put down the top of my convertible, and headed to an art show. After admiring the works of art (and purchasing two multimedia pictures), she and I went to a garden store. I found most of what I needed there, and I dropped off my daughter at work before returning home.We had a great time together...just the two of us. Giggles and confidences were shared. Her thoughts and feelings expressed. Seeing how very much alike our personalities are. Noticing how she gravitated toward paintings that I disliked and how I leaned toward ones she did not especially like. Coming together and finding two pieces we both liked.
The whims of the wind were blowing my hair to and fro and tousling it. My music was playing. I sang with each song, not even giving any concern as to how I might sound to anyone unlucky enough to be next to me at red lights.
The day was a good one. Better than good. But, it still did not take away the pain in my heart. Literal and figurative pain is rooted there. I could not help but be disappointed that the gentle warmth of the day and the time spent with my "little" girl did not alleviate either hurt. I can easily understand why my heart hurts figuratively. Such a simple thing for me to determine. It is the physical pain I cannot quite comprehend. All I know for sure is it has been happening for a period of time. Not too long, but not too short. Yet, perhaps the one is responsible for the other. The two often do go hand in hand.
No, I am not going to go to a doctor. I need to make a point to be more aware of those times when I clench my stomach due to tension, the occasions when I suppress my feelings, the frenzied moments when I am trying to accomplish too much too quickly. Recognizing them is half the battle. Searching for the calm that lies somewhere within me is the other half. Hopefully, soon the pain will diminish with some deep breathing and closed eyes while I envision myself driving with the wind slipping its fingers through my hair.
Yes, my love affair with the wind might just be the very thing that restores my well-being.
"Where hast thou wandered, gentle gale, to find the perfumes thou dost bring?" ~William Cullen Bryant
7 comments:
Beautiful words, painful words. The pain never really goes away, but does lessen with time.
Are you sure a check-up wouldn`t be prudent?
In deep breathing, I use ocean sounds with patients. I`ve found that music tends to make you think.
If you have interest, email me. I`ll send you the CD I give out.
Hugs,
V
I'm very happy you had such a good day. I'm concerned and hope you find what can mend your heart. Meditation and the sounds of the ocean sound good :)
Be well, beautiful spirit!
Love
XXOO
I think you might be due for a trip to our favorite city, and some quality time on Michigan Ave.
I have many of those seemingly perfect days. Everything is in it's place, yet something feels off. You're not alone.
Hugs,
Kris
(p.s. Hey, I'm "snexy". Best word ver ever).
I sincerely hope you're feeling better, Nikki. I'm the last person qualified to say "Get a checkup", but ...
Hugs,
Walt
{{{{{Hugs}}}}}
sending you an email.
love TJ
Nikki,
I am concerned about you, sweetie. You haven't told me anything about this! You are like me, not wanting to talk about how you really feel when you know in your heart that something's wrong.
I know that I have heard about a condition that women get far more often than men. It is like a broken heart. They experience real pain in the area of the heart. It has happened to mother's of son's who have died in the war, to parent's who are grieving to women who have lost a lover. Some have actually even died! (though that is rare.) I am wondering if this pain started when your daddy died?
I am so glad you had a wonderful day with your daughter though. How wonderful your day sounded to this mother of 3 sons!
Love you,
Maryanne
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