CHARMED, I'M SURE

"People will believe you when you point out negative things about yourself, but they will not believe you when you mention your positives."

It was several weeks ago that my husband took in my car for an oil change. The following day when I got in and flipped on the music to listen to my CDs, I discovered that he had it set to radio. Because I was trying to navigate the car, I could not fiddle around with the settings to determine how to get it back to CD mode. So, I just decided to listen to the radio for a change.

I was not gone long, but just long enough to know that what I heard on that radio station would at some point become a topic in this journal. A fellow was speaking. The statement he made was the quote above.

It is true, you know. And because of that, I have thought about that sentence ever since that day. Granted, it is a sweeping statement, but a very valid one that is right on the money as it pertains to the majority of people. Such a simple statement that encompasses so much.

How and why do people choose to think you truthful when it comes to your less-than-desirable attributes? Does it make them feel superior for that moment in time? Do they temporarily forget that they have little demons of their own that they continuously battle? Is it because admitting that you have faults allows those you tell to feel important that you confided in them? Does it level the playing field in their eyes? ::Newsflash:: The playing field is never going to be level. It just is not. We are all playing the same game, but the rules for it differ, as do the talents, abilities, and determination of the players.

And just why is it that the good things about people are usually punted aside and deemed lies? Tsk, tsk. Not a very admirable trait. Are people so miserable that hearing something good about someone sends them into a tailspin? Do bitterness and jealousy and insecurity dip their ugly faces into the picture? I think so. After all, when somebody strives to get/be/do something and fails and another person tries and succeeds, then the word "loser" pops into the brain of the unsuccessful. No one shouted out LOSER. It was the one who cannot seem to attain that which he wants who calls himself that name.

It is truly a sad way to live one's life. Why in the world is it so difficult to be happy for others? Why must all the good spoken be called lies?

Let me just put it this way. I have said numerous times in this journal that I have lived and continue to live what I consider to be a charmed life. A fairy tale in a way. And it is the truth. The honest-to-God truth. (See, no lightning has struck me after having said that!) At times, I have even been a little bit embarrassed that my world is full of wonderful people, places, and things. I am loved dearly. That, in itself, is a huge blessing. I have never said that my life has been free of major struggles. But maybe, just maybe, my perception of those struggles is that they have made my life the delicious one that it is right now. My "happily ever after" does not mean there are going to be no worries, crises, or other unpleasantness in my future. It just means that I exist in a real world where I choose to see and revel in the goodness that surrounds me, and I will deal with the worrisome problems as they arise.

If you take a moment to think about the popular fairy tales read over and over again to children, you will realize that almost all of them have good characters who go through difficult times. Their lives are imperfect and often in turmoil. You will also note that there are always dark characters in the story...the ones who wish to destroy happiness for the others. But in the end, the light prevails and the dark is left to fend miserably for itself. Looking at it that way sure makes it seem less like a fairy tale and more like how life really is.

I am who and how I am. The good and the bad. I have some of both. Most people do. I am aware of the bad, and I discuss it. Yet, there is the positive in me that far outweighs any of the negatives. What I share in this journal and with my friends is honest. There are those who cannot be genuinely happy for the good I either possess or receive. For them, it is much, much easier to twist things to make it seem like a fairy tale gone awry. Ah, but that is untrue. And their skewed beliefs only perpetuate their own misery.

I spoke to a friend early in the day. One who has known me for going on three years, I believe. An online friend. One who probably knows more about me than anyone else online. I was talking about the quote at the top of this entry. We chatted a bit about it. I mentioned that at times I am naive, which I thought odd considering I am not naive about human sexuality. This friend said that not only was I naive, but that I was also wise in a lot of ways. An interesting combination, he said. I have to say I was flattered. Being called wise is a compliment, in my opinion. Ah, to be wise all the time and not fall prey to idiocy would be bliss!

When my father was mere months away from death and confined completely to a bed with no ability to lift his head or even move his feet, he was being interviewed. A question was asked about his life. His reply was that he has "lived a charmed life." Sink that into your brain for just a few moments. The man was severely crippled from a ruptured brain aneurysm, had trauma-induced Parkinson's disease from the rupture, was diabetic to some extent, was being fed via a tube in his stomach, fought pneumonia and UTIs regularly, had lost much of his short-term memory, and he was confined to a nursing home and a hospital for just shy of six years. That question was asked, and he smiled and said his life was charmed.

Yes, it is all about perception.